December 19th: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

New York is looking so festive these days. I mean, we are very close to Christmas now, but it just seems like New York is more magical than I remember from the last couple of years. Or maybe I’m just happier and more open to it all. I did go through a few rough Christmases (one of them you can read about right here) without any of my family. One where I was stuck in America because of visa issues. Not fun.

This year is different though. I have invited my parents and grandparents to come to New York for Christmas. My parents can’t make it, and will come in May instead. But my grandparents are arriving on Friday. I am beyond excited. I have to remember to enjoy the days with them, as I always find the time flying by and then getting emotional when I drive them back to the airport to fly home (not that I think that getting emotional will ever change, it just gets worse the older I get). It’s not easy living far away from home, and from my family and good friends, during times like these. Edward does make it all very magical for us, and I’m so grateful for having such a great man in my life. And I want to say no buts. But there is a but. Not a but that has anything to do with Edward and our life here, but just that these times makes me miss my family a lot. And the fact that my two good friends both are going home to Denmark this month (one already left, one leaves on Saturday) doesn’t help.

Sometimes I find myself blaming Edward that he’s happy, and that he has all his friends, family, and memories here. Because I’m jealous. It just happened last night again. And I just start crying. Like a crazy person. And I feel so bad for making him feel bad.

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m very grateful that my grandparents are visiting us. I look forward to all the memories we will have, I look forward to their wonderful stories, and great advice. And I look forward to their warmth. And then I look forward to all the great food, to give them all gifts, to hug, to wake up and drink morning coffee. And to show them how beautiful New York looks right now. I can’t wait!